What a journey caregiving is! So, as I began my journey, I thought I would breeze through this stuff. What an eye-opener it was for me to realize I was not perfect. When the emotion is attached, it is a whole different ball game.
Mom would say to me “don’t treat me like one of your clients!” My response was: “you are not my client, because they listen to me and you don’t!” In her eyes I was still that little blonde-haired, pink-bowed girl in my Mary Janes.
It is hard to remember all the do’s and don’t of caregiving. Don’t argue, redirect, stay calm and be kind. What?? Surely, I can do this. Nope; I broke every rule and action. All the while hearing, that voice in my head 'this is wrong calm down.'
Mom liked to push my buttons. We took her to a restaurant one day as she kept telling us she was not going in with us. Well, she did. She ordered a sandwich and a skewer of grilled vegetables. As the disease progressed, mom’s plate would look like a two-year old’s plate, things everywhere, pulled apart, very unappetizing. Then this 88-year-old woman proceeds to pick up her veggie skewer and twirl it in the air. She thought it was grand, my husband and I not so much.
By the time we got back in the car I was over the edge…I began shouting and cussing and blaming. When I was done, she just said, “oh my, such language” What? That was it?
I think about that day often and all the things I should’ve done instead. Did it scar her? No. Me? Maybe. But in the end, she knew I was there, and I loved her, and she loved me no matter how imperfectly I cared for her.
Strive to be imperfectly perfect. You will find your way together; you must forgive yourself because your loved one has...
Until Next Time,
laelderly - Sep 23, 2021
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